Friday, April 06, 2007

336 months

ago, today, a legend was born.... And the world would never be the same again.

It was cold and dark on that particular morning; the winds were absent and the air was still. The first burning rays of the morning sun was about to slice the horizon when a piercing scream cut thru the early hour like a thunderbolt. It was time. He had arrived.

"Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrgggghhhhhh...... Wahliu eh!! So painful la!!!"

"Wah, auntie... sure la... this one damn BIG leh.. and FAT also!!"

"Ya ka? Next time if I pregnant again, must not eat so much alledi lor... Beh tong la!!"

7.89kgs of legendary fat and (muscle) was born. As he took the first breath of air in this world that he was destined to conquer, he coughed....

"Ack ack ack.. uwekk.."

and cried.

"Waaaaa.... waaaaa..... waaaaa....."

Over the years, he grew..... in stature, in height, and especially in weight. He was trained by the elders in the lost art of dragon claw nipple pinching, tiger strength ear twisting and monkey style hair pulling. Of course he perfected these arts while training and practising on his brother and sister. At age 7, he was ready and his parents who had high hopes of him, sent him to war.

"Son, you are destined for greatness. In this life that you are about to embark, you will face lots of enemies, some will stand in your face, most will cucuk your ass.... you have to be strong. Make us proud."

And with that, he strode off to his first battlefield in a war that would rage on for 11 years. In the war-torn country of Stanthonys, he made his mark. He rose in the ranks and swept aside his enemies. Victories rolled in, but the war changed him. He became reserved, a loner, a tactician always playing mind-games, always plotting his enemies' downfall. His allies were far and few, and he only confided in his 2nd man, General Acu #3241.

At the tender age of 17, he waged his last battle in Stanthonys against the Strong Powderful Man (SPM). The SPM was known to have taken down even the most powderful of generals and commanders, and few have been victorious against him. He fought and fought, but in the end, SPM prevailed..... and the legend was humiliated.

Broken and torn, he crawled back to his domain, where he would weep and cry and wallow in despair for months. His parents, who had been disappointed, decided that he should not continue to lie in self-pity, and decided to enrol him in a training program in Kem Babes United (KBU) for 4 months to return him to his former glory.

KBU gave him back the confidence he needed. With babes all around him swooning and swearing undying love to him, he felt like the legend he was destimed to be. 4 months passed and he was called back to duty.

"Son, your life has seen you thru ups and downs. It is these lessons in life that make you the man you are about to become. Go forth, and conquer. Remember, you are The One."

"I shall not fail you."

With that, he embarked on another 54 months of war, this time in the region controlled by the Ultimate Test Men (UTM). There were many tests throughout the 54 months, some easy, some hard, most death-defying. He aced some tests, and he scraped thru most.... and in the end, he returned with his dignity intact.

The years of war and battle and tests had prepared him for the next 350 months of his life.

"Dad, mum.... I am prepared to go forth. With my dragon claws nipple pinching, monkey style hair pulling and new skills learnt in the UTM like BSICM101 (Back stabbbing in corporate world); I am well equipped to make my mark on this world. I guarantee you.... The World Will Know My Name!!!"

.......60 months down the road, he is still nameless in this vast world. But he persists; because he knows he is destined to be a legend. And he believes it, cos he was born BIG and FAT.... and screaming.

Pass this messge around. Warn the world. He is coming. Whisper his name.... "Eugene"


At 1:43 PM, Blogger BusyBuzz'g said...

Hahaha.... HAHAHA... well done man! "war-torn country of Stanthonys"..

hmm nothing mentioned abt those battles on the sitiawan bridge?

At 8:40 PM, Blogger Meng Teck said...

I nearly fell off the stool in the bar while reading this :P

At 5:07 PM, Anonymous kim said...

very imaginative & impressive writing of an otherwise mundane being! ;p
perhaps should be a movie director

At 2:31 PM, Blogger CapArnabBrand said...

Bee: :-O What do you know abt those battles???

MT: Haha... I'm a ravaged war-veteran...

Kim: Wait for my biography!!

At 6:19 PM, Anonymous adee said...

beb, happy belated birthday, damn busy here la wey

At 5:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

happy belated birthday!


At 9:22 AM, Blogger CapArnabBrand said...

Adee: Thanks dude, remember the thumbdrive thingy. We're gonan take over europe!!

Cath: Muchas Gracias Senorita!!


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