Thursday, July 07, 2005

Handling "Situations"

This post is dedicated to all my buddies.

Now, the question is how to handle your girl when in a situation. What constitutes a situation? Its hard to explain, I mean, everything is hard to explain with regards to the female species, so I’ll just give a few examples of ‘situations’ and how to take care of them and come out a winner.

Situation 1:
Both of you get ready to go for a night out in town. You’re all dressed up in your Reject Shop best buys, dolloped on your PS CK Eternity and strapped on your gleaming Lolex when she calls out to you from the bedroom. You walk in and she puts you in THE situation.

Girl: Which looks better on me? The blue or the green dress?

*Unearthly silence follows*

Now, if you answered -
Guy: The blue one, definitely. (Thinking that she’ll adore you for being firm and unwavering)
Girl: I think I prefer the green one. You don’t know my tastes. You don’t understand me. How long have we been together? 5 years? You don’t know my favourite colour is green? I always wear green.
Guy: Errr…. Green it is then. I’m ok with anything. (Wavering already)
Girl: But you said you prefer blue. How can you do this to me? Are you going to tell me you love me and then go love somebody else? (Unreasonable I know, but it happens sometimes)
Guy: No no no. I only love you and nobody else. Come here and give me a hug.
Girl: You can go out by yourself. I’m having maggi.

Now, if you answered ‘green’. Please swap the words ‘green’ and ‘blue’ in the above conversation.
Same result. Everytime.

Now, how to handle this? Rewind to the situation above.

Girl: Which looks better on me? The blue or the green dress?
Guy: The blue one brings out the colour of your eyes and I think would go well with your light blue Vincci’s. But the green makes you look young and fresh, and the dress also holds the curves on your body so well. Just makes me wanna peel them off you when we get home later. Green it is. (Plant a lingering kiss on her forehead)
Girl: *Muaks*

Short conversation. Everybody’s happy. Girls love compliments. Guys love a good shag later. Everybody’s a winner.

Situation 2:
You and your girl are walking around in a shopping complex. She’s doing all the buying; you’re doing all the carrying. Suddenly, a hot young miniskirted and bootylicious babe appears on your radar, within your field of vision. You sneak a glance, desperate not to let that drop of saliva appear thru the cracks of your crooked lips. Your fantasy is halted back to reality with –

Girl: What were you looking at?
Guy: Nothing. Just looking at the clown there entertaining the kids.
Girl: Clown my ass, you lying bastard!
(Stomps off with you scurrying after her)

Alternative answer:

Girl: What were you looking at?
Guy: That girl there lor. (Hoping that honesty gets you some brownie points)
Girl: So, now I’m not good enough for you la?!?! You have to resort to looking at other women?
(Stomps off with you scurrying after her)

Either way, you lose. And that bootylicious babe is gonna laugh at you.

Do it this way:
Girl: What were you looking at?
Guy: Just how slutty looking that girl there is. No sense of fashion langsung. Doesn’t she know that miniskirts dun go well with jap slippers? Haiyo… if only she had half of your dress sense. You’re just the best, baby. I’m so glad you’re mine.
Girl: *Muaks*

Win win again. You get to ogle. She gets to feel good. You get another good shag later. And everybody lives happily ever after.

P/S: No offence to anybody pls. This was written for a good laugh. And thats how it should stay.


At 2:14 PM, Anonymous dezmomo said...

only 2 situations?

At 2:45 PM, Blogger cath said...

uh-ohhhh...u're gonna be in for quite a few comments about this one..

At 3:20 PM, Blogger CapArnabBrand said...

momo: i'm compiling a book. wait for it.

cath: so far, nobody's "complaining". Hehe.

At 4:59 PM, Anonymous Adee said...

We want more! We want more! (Stomping feet on the floor)

At 10:53 PM, Anonymous Bugkamp said...

'look at that unfashionable slut over there' sounds fine. but what about that thing making an impression in your pants?

At 11:04 AM, Blogger CapArnabBrand said...

you mean my wallet? or my keys? sokay dude.. i carry them in my pouch nowadays.

At 11:50 AM, Blogger chris said...

i wanna know what jac thinks about your handling of "situations"


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