Wednesday, July 13, 2005

My Relationship

My heart feels heavy. Sadness is beginning to engulf me. I look around me and I find that I won’t see the same things again, soon.
I supposed you’d feel sad too if you were in my shoes. I mean; a relationship that has lasted more than 3 years is about to end in 3 weeks. We’ve been thru a lot, thru ups and downs, periods of pain and suffering (mostly on my side) interspersed with laughter and fond memories. In these 3 years, I have discovered myself, I have learned to look inside of me, have understood what it is that I really want in my life.

Being in this relationship has taught me that things are not always what they seem, nothing in life is free and the only constant in life is change (and death, but that’s a different story). I have seen my fair share of changes ever since we came together. People tell me that change is always for the better, I know differently. In every situation, where there is a winner, somebody else is bound to lose. And I’ve been on the losing end more often than not. In a race, 2nd place is the 1st loser; and I have lost count of the number of times I have finished 2nd in this relationship.
I’ve cried inside much too often, too many sleepless nights listening to the sound of silence and heartburns stemming from differing points of view.

I should be happy that this relationship is about to end, you say? I could totally agree with you, but when I think of the good times, the sharing and the bonds that I have; I’m torn.

I’m the kind of guy who finds it difficult to let go. I have devoted more than half my waking hours practically every day for the last 3 years into this relationship; its just not that easy to stand up and walk away. I have fond memories aplenty, and this is after all my first serious relationship. 1st day we came together I was the happiest man on earth. 18th February 2002 is a date I will not forget so soon. But things have never been the same since. I have been taken for granted so often that I have become numb in the senses already. And in these 3 years, I have always been the yes-man. A follower, someone who’s opinions don’t hold water, someone just to turn to when in need, brushed aside at other times.

No more. I appreciate all that I have experienced, the self-discovery and the good times. But its time to move on. We’re starting to walk in 2 totally different directions, and my other half can no more sustain my desire for a better life. Thank you for the good times and the friendship(s). I wish you all the best, and I hope you do the same for me.

Over and out.

6 Comments:

At 2:36 PM, Anonymous dezmomo said...

did you feel the same way a year back?

 
At 2:40 PM, Blogger chris said...

dude, you're too "drama" for your own good lah.

and yes, this confirms that you're SO whiny!

 
At 3:12 PM, Blogger CapArnabBrand said...

momo: nothing happened a year back. nothing of note anyway.

chris: my life is a soap opera. its what i do for a living.

 
At 5:33 PM, Anonymous Adee said...

Eugene gonna miss that stinky big fat ass...

 
At 5:57 PM, Blogger CapArnabBrand said...

The only thing i'm gonna miss is the lack of parking space.

 
At 8:59 AM, Blogger cath said...

definitely not gonna miss the cafeteria food!

 

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